


absolutely terrible omens.

by Drakkonis



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crossover, M/M, My Immortal - Freeform, good fucking luck., i have never read good omens. or seen it., yeah. that's right it's my immortal if it was written for good omens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22150432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakkonis/pseuds/Drakkonis
Summary: if my immortal were written for good omens, but by someone who's never actually read or seen Crack Bible Show. i'm getting this entirely from my friends, good luck.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My Immortal](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/548569) by "Tara". 



> the shitty author's notes throughout are by the original author.
> 
> anyway, good luck. my comments are 'note from lucy', and trigger warnings will be in the notes above each chapter.

Hi my name is Anthony Jan'thony Dementia Raven Crowley and I have long dark red hair (that's not how I got my name) with curls, sometimes and tips that reach my mid-back and brown eyes like the faeces of your worst enemy and a lot of people tell me I look like David Tennant (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Georgia Tennant but I wish I was because she's a major fucking hottie. I'm a demon but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a snake, and I go to a pet daycare called Aziraphale's Bookshop where I've been for the last two thousand years (I'm about six thousand.) I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Aziraphale's Bookshop. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of angels stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. 

"Hey Anthony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Aziraphale! 

"What's up Aziraphale?" I asked. 

"Nothing." he said shyly. But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what to do with this. i'm going to hell for this. you're not getting a summary, there is only pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: brief mention of alcohol

AN: Fangz 2 ciaran 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW angels stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some wine from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Beelzebub (AN: ulrike dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her short raven black hair with raven black streaks and opened her pale grey eyes. She put on her white shirt with an orange sash, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Aziraphale yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Aziraphale?" she asked as we went out of the bedroom and into the main bookshop.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Aziraphale walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Gabriel the Archangel is having a concert in London." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Gabriel the Archangel. He is my favorite singer, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: self-harm, alcohol mention, drugs mention, cigarettes mention, murder threat but that one's from me.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY ANGELZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN CIARAN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Gabriel the Archangel.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GtA. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some wine so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Aziraphale was waiting there in front of my Bentley. He was wearing a God t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). (note from lucy: i'm going to fucking kill someone)

"Hi Aziraphale!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Anthony." he said back. We walked into my flying black Bentley (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Gabriel the Archangel and The Four Horsemen. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Gabriel the Archangel. 

"Jesus died, for our sins,

Eve ate an apple, Adam was in a bin,

The world is going, to fucking end,

And I hope I do toooooooooo." sang Gabriel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Gabriel is so fucking hot." I said to Aziraphale, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Aziraphale looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Aziraphale sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Gabriel and he's going out with God fucking Almighty. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Aziraphale. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Gabriel for his autograph and photos with him. We got GtA concert tees. Aziraphale and I crawled back into the Bentley, but I didn't go back into the bookshop, instead I drove the car into… hell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i doing this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh, there's a badly written sex scene here if you want to jump over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: sex, blood mention

AN: I sed stup flaming ok anthony's name is ANONTHY nut mary su OK! AZIRAPHALE IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"ANTHONY!" Aziraphale shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

I didn't answer but I stopped the flying car and I walked out of it. He walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" he asked angrily.

"Aziraphale?" I asked.

"What?" he snapped.

I leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as Aziraphale kissed me passionately. Aziraphale climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then I put my snake into his you-know-what and we did it for the first time, the snake biting all of he while. We both orgasmed twice. I think I could taste blood. 

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get another orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was…. Shadwell!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :|

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: sex mention, but no actual descriptions.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur an angel or a posr! Da only reson Shadwell swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Shadwell made and Aziraphale and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of snake venom down my pallid face. Aziraphale comforted me. When we went back to the castle Shadwell took us to Archangel Michael and Madam Tracy who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in hell!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Madam Tracy.

"How dare you?" demanded Michael.

And then Aziraphale shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet. Shadwell and Madam Tracy still looked mad but Michael said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Aziraphale and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Anthony?" Aziraphale asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the snake's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Aziraphale was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'Stop Eating The Fucking Forbidden Fruit' by Gabriel the Archangel. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: alcohol, cannibalism, some vaguely nsfw stuff.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! (note from lucy: me)

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the bookshop, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with wine instead of milk, and a glass of red wine. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the wine spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Aziraphale's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Daniel Radcliffe. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Newt, although most people call me Frogspawn these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of frogs. Also, I'm a cannibal." he giggled.

"Well, I am a demon." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Aziraphale came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: sex, some genetalia mentions.

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Anvony isn't a Marie Sue ok he isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Aziraphale and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Frogspawn. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. (note from lucy: sounds like cataracts) I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Aziraphale. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Aziraphale. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively (note from lucy: i thought this was set in england) and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then I put my snake in his mouth and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Aziraphale, Aziraphale!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Aziraphale's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Frogspawn!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Aziraphale pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Aziraphale ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big cock - even bigger than my snake - but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Frogspawn's classroom where he was having a lesson with Archangel Michael and some other people.

"FROGSPAWN NEWT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: blood mention, more gentalia mentions. :/

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Aziraphale came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Anthony, it's not what you think!" Aziraphale screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith (note from lucy: that name is FAR too good for me to change, but this is hastur) smiled at me understatedly. He flipped his long waste-length gothic black hair and opened his crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. He had pale white skin that he was wearing white makeup on. Hastur was kidnapped when he was born. His real parents are demons and one of them is an angel but Anathema killed his mother and his father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. He still has nightmares about it and he is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out his real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since he has converted to Satanism he is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) (note from lucy: yeah.)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Michael demeaned angrily in her cold voice but I ignored her.

"Frogspawn, I can't believe you cheated on me with Aziraphale!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Anthony was so mad at me. I had went out with Frogspawn (I'm bi and so is Anthony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Uriel, a stupid angel fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with an angel.)

"But I'm not going out with Aziraphale anymore!" said Frogspawn.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into hell where I had lost my virility to Aziraphale and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some of this part doesn't make sense. i don't know, i'm only here to change names and hate this fic with my entire being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: r-slur, murder mention

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if shadwel swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson michal dosent lik newt now is coz shes christian and frogspawn is a satanist! MCR ROX! 

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Aziraphale for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Aziraphale.

Then all of a suddenly, a beautiful woman with red eyes and a nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! She had a nose (basically like Anathema in the movie) and she was wearing all black but it was obvious ahe wasn't gothic. It was… Anathema!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Anathema shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at her. Anathema fell of her broom and started to scream. I felt bad for her even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Anthony." She yelled. "Thou must kill Frogspawn Newt!"

I thought about Frogspawn and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Daniel Radcliffe. I remembered that Aziraphale had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Aziraphale went out with Frogspawn before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Anathema!" I shouted back.

Anathema gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" She yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Aziraphale!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Anathema got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on her face. "I hath telekinesis." (note from lucy: and a lisp) She answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Frogspawn, then thou know what will happen to Aziraphale!" she shouted. Then she flew away angrily on her broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Aziraphale came into hell.

"Aziraphale!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into the bookshop together making out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm done. i'm going to bed once i've finished my other fic that i'm putting actual effort into. this is frying my brain. good fucking god.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: homophobic slurs, self harm & suicide

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n he n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Anathema all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Snake Penis. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GtA, Bible Crack and Armageddon. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Frogspawn, Aziraphale and Ligur (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.). Only today Aziraphale and Frogspawn were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Aziraphale was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Frogspawn was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Eve' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Crowley! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Anathema came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Newt! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Aziraphale. But if I don't kill Newt, then Anathema, will fucking kill Aziraphale!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Aziraphale jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Aziraphale started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Shadwell walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Anthony Aziraphale has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the everloving fuck was this chapter this is as wild a ride for me as it is for other people

**Author's Note:**

> i only write skulduggery pleasant fic, guys. i don't know what i'm doing here.


End file.
